Recent conversations on this site and a nice email I received from a reader got me thinking about respect.
Sometimes you have to wonder to what extent people consider respect for others and others' property at a time when so many people are so focused on themselves. It is easy to remember the people who are so self-centered that they don't consider those around them. These are the ones who cut in line, pull out in-front of you, don't say excuse me, talk on their phone at inappropriate times and are outright rude in their quest to take care of themselves.
And then you step back and consider how many times people do make an effort to be nice, say hi, hold a door, wave you through, say excuse me, thank you, you're welcome, and I'd guess there are more people respectful than not, but the ones we remember more clearly and longer are the ones who are disrespectful.
As adults we model behavior for our kids and often they come around to exhibiting the same, but sometimes they don't. Beyond being a good example, though, parents need to also teach respect.
I try to respect others, their property, opinions, and being. I try to teach my kids the same. Living in the borough I've seen many instances that I would classify as disrespectful, or at the least lacking respect. I sometimes wonder to what extent is it intentional and to what extent do people simply not know any better.
As a kid I played in the street all the time. We lived in a three street neighborhood of about 20 homes or so. There was no through traffic. We played kickball every day in the summer and used chalk to make the bases. We got out of the way as fast as we could when someone yelled "car!"
Today, living in the borough, I don't think you'd find too many streets where a parent would be comfortable letting their kid play in. Yet (as I've noted before) I see kids using intersections to ride skateboards all the time and when a car approaches they take as much time as possible to get out of the way.
In this instance, I think they know better and are intentionally being disrespectful. And moreover, I think these kids do it for fun to see how upset the driver will get, but I digress.
Many kids like to cut through my neighbors' property. Each day I see some at all times of the day. They don't think twice about doing it. I've even seen kids ride their bike through the two yards. They are between about 4th grade and HS, so they should know better. In this case I'm thinking some do and some genuinely were never taught it wasn't right.
These same kids walk down the middle of the street instead of using a sidewalk. Most times they will slowly get out of the way when a car comes, but there is really no urgency in their doing so.
Again, I'm not sure how much is being disrespectful and how much is simply not knowing any better. Either way it comes back to their parents.
I'm sure at some point my kids when they are older are going to screw up. They will do something (hopefully not too often) that will make me question where I went wrong. And I'll remind myself that they are kids and kids make mistakes and that is how they learn. The key to this is to make sure they know they've made a mistake, because if they don't they are going to keep doing it and others will follow their behavior.
While I went on this morning, I guess I did because I find it so hard to believe that having respect is so hard for some individual's to exhibit and I wonder how you get it back once it is gone, assuming of course you had it in the first place.
Your thoughts?
4 comments:
Ross,
Very well put. I would also like to add a couple things to your comments. These are pointed at the general area population, not any specific group or individual.
As adults, we are supposed to be the role models for kids. If in general kids are disrespectful, they are learning it from somebody as I don't believe it is a genetically driven trait.
If you are operating any type of vehicle, have to respect for others to either pull off the road, buy a hands free device, or not answer your cell phone. Too many people are completely oblivious to the world around them once they get on their cell phones in a vehicle becoming more of a danger to the rest of us.
Remember that you learned to cross at a corner, not in the middle of the road? This was to keep you from getting run over. Way too many adults do this. Another poster on another thread said this was ignorance, not disrespect. To him/her I say, you are ignorant to not think it is disrespectful. Comments like that validate the "do as I say, not as I do" thinking.
When approaching a traffic light that is turning yellor (or in a lot of cases red) and you see a car in the middle of the intersection trying to turn left, don't blow the light, but allow the person to safely turn left. Again, disrespect to another driver on the road.
Ross, you keep highlighting the "disrespectful" things the boarders do. However, I would bet you can find similar instances for say, soccer players, wrestlers, swimmers, football players, etc..
However, when adults do the same types of things (or worse), we dub them as ignorant.
You can't have it both ways.
On many threads over the past year or so, a common theme has erupted around how people in the Nazareth area just aren't nice/friendly.
ALL of this, both what you typed and what I have put above, point directly back to that common theme.
Maybe instead of attacking the boarders as so many are apt to do, they should look inside themselves and see if maybe they are the cause, not the solution.
Well of course it starts with parents, but lets face it. Whether its Johnny Skateboard in the middle of the street causing havoc in traffic (who you see), or Jimmy Football giving the water-boy an atomic wedgie till he cries in the locker room (which you don't see) in front of the whole team (who don't stand up or say a word but instead just laugh). Ignorance and disrespect is everywhere and lies deep within every one us.
Only maturity can deflect this urge and strive to be a better person. For some this happens at 13, others 60, and some never.
Peer pressure, testosterone, environmental pressures, social norms, everyone has their moments. I think I remember a college course about this.. oh yeah — psych 101.
Point is, the majority of us grow up when it comes to being respectful. Or so we hope.
PS: KICKBALL RULED!
The earlier post seems to think the situation here is unique to Nazareth and derives from us being an unfriendly lot.
"On many threads over the past year or so, a common theme has erupted around how people in the Nazareth area just aren't nice/friendly.
ALL of this, both what you typed and what I have put above, point directly back to that common theme."
I don't think it is so specific to our town, but a more general experience that is derived from living in a me-centric world.
Lots of things are disrespectful, most of us try to be respectful. Some of us probably have slipped into routines or habits we think are fine and someone else takes as being disrespectful.
Some of our kids as well as those of others, maybe haven't had the best examples or enough guidance to know they shouldn't do certain things. Some of them do it in a more public way than others.
All that aside and at the end of the day, I think it is simply important that we keep it in mind and individually do our part.
When it comes to the traffic, ordinance violations, speeding, street crossings, illegal parking, etc., good enforcement will quickly clean that up. Unfortunately our force has been challenged in many ways and hopefully with leadership and an outside perspective they can get their feet under them and become more of a proactive and positive force then simply finding ways to cover shifts and keep the operation running with minimal or less staff.
Guess we'll find out soon as I understand we should have a candidate for chief by the next meeting.
I did not mean to imply in my original post that this was a Nazareth only problem. It can be seen throughout the Lehigh Valley, and to a larger degree, most of the region. But that is not even the true case as I have been to many small towns in the area where the overall attitude is completely the opposite.
That being said, we are all teachers in a sense. Everything we do in our day-to-day public lives is taken in by someone, be it another adult or a child.
You are correct in that it is very much a "me" world out there and screw anyone that gets in my way.
To reuse an old phrase, think globally, act locally. Instead of waiting for the change to come to us, maybe people should propogate the change from here.
Before you jump down my throat, I am not aiming this at any of the other posters, but making a general observation that I know is shared by many.
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